?

Log in

Lily of the Valley
20 most recent entries

Date:2005-11-11 11:44
Subject:
Security:Public

this diary is now moved to wild_honey88

post a comment



Date:2005-05-12 23:02
Subject:
Security:Public

Nicole and Yvette are probably the bestest friends I've got. I love them to pieces.

Edgar Allan Poe

All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream

Tenesse Williams

The violets in the moutains have broken the rocks

Angelina Jolie tattoos:

Tenesse Williams

A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages

Quod me nutrit me destruit

post a comment



Date:2005-04-19 13:13
Subject:
Security:Public

Dear kate,

William Wordsworth. 1770–1850

529. Perfect Woman

SHE was a phantom of delight
When first she gleam'd upon my sight;
A lovely apparition, sent
To be a moment's ornament;
Her eyes as stars of twilight fair; 5
Like twilight's, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful dawn;
A dancing shape, an image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and waylay. 10

I saw her upon nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin liberty;
A countenance in which did meet 15
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A creature not too bright or good
For human nature's daily food;
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles. 20

And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A being breathing thoughtful breath,
A traveller between life and death;

The reason firm, the temperate will, 25
Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;
A perfect Woman, nobly plann'd,
To warn, to comfort, and command;
And yet a Spirit still, and bright
With something of angelic light. 30

post a comment



Date:2005-04-13 21:31
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

i think...

everyone starts off feeling pretty good, change themselves to fit in, then spend the rest of their lives trying to find who they were

2 comments | post a comment



Date:2005-04-03 22:05
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate!!

im back from mexico! i will update all the journal entries i did tomorrow! but wow... today was interesting! i woke up planning to have a chill day, but instead i went out with mohsen. we had fun.. sorta, i mean, it was pretty relaxed. he kissed me though, and grabbed myh ass... i still dont knwo what to think of that. but on the seabus home (after i got rid of a stalker...), i met this really cool guy. he was the control guy for the bus, and he and i were talking about random stuff, and jobs, and he mentioned he had a harley davidson!!! it was a really nice... cool conversation! i loved it. his big on bikes, boats, and al lthat and he seemed like a really nice guy. i felt really comfortable with him. before i left, though, he asked me if i'd like to leave him my number and he'd take me for a ride sometime!! i said... maybe next time... im still a bit wierd about giving strangers my number, but i kinda regret it. i mean, he could totally be some asshole... but the vibe he had was so geniuenly nice. and i wouldnt mind a ride on a harley davidson fat boy!! if anybody read this... i need advice! on strangers and number giving.

im done haha, i need a shower... but i wanna go for a run.

i like having good legs and feet and shoes!! :) oh. i ordered something from sephora! philosophy powder, eye cream, boujours brow liner, and paul & joe mascara!! im happy :) and i feel relatively sexy.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-17 23:09
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

why am i dating mohsen? now i need to lose weight! all his friends are tiny!! ok.. im not eating when im in mexico.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-16 23:13
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

out of all the people that want to die, why am i still living? oh god, please, let me die, please..pleasee.please! i beg you. i'll make a pact with the devil. if satan truly exists, let me die and i will serve you in hell for eternity! please?

i remember i was so little when i first realized life is pointless, we all die anyway. no matter what great intuition, what great gift we leave behind.. we will die, and our future generation will die, and one day, the human race will be extinct, as with all of the knowledge we have accumulated.

please, ive cried enough, ive swallowed enough pills, let me die, why pleasee.

i feel so nauseaous still from the 14 pills i swallowed, wh y couldnt it kill me? do i need to take ketamine? i dont know if thats gona work, or just put me in greater pain. why not give me the salvation ive always wanted? i dont want to toll around lik ethis, pointlessly. i dont want to be conscious anymore, to feel the feelings i dol. i hate it, i hate living. i don't feel love naymore, nor joy, nor sorrow. all i feel is the desperate desire to be free. i feel stuck, like a bird locked in a cage. i am denied the ticket to eternal freedom. but why, have i not suffered enough?

please, if you are a killer, come find me. email me, i will give you my address, my name, my picture. come and kill me. i will be your greatest prey.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2005-03-16 16:54
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

ok, all u get from 14 aspirin is incredible drowsiness followed by a very high body temperature and nausea... cept remember how i cant throw up? appeasrantly i can't puke from this stuff, either. next time im getting ketamine hydrochloride.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2005-03-16 14:25
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

i feel so stupid. i jsut found out over the counter sleeping pills are suicide proof. damnit.

anyways, i just swallowed 9 apisirin extra strength hoping ill get stomach poisioning ... appearantly some girl got it done with 7, but im taking 9 to be on the safe side. hey. it says stomach guard, i hope that doesnt mean u cant die from it.

if all else fails i think ill find some heoin or something...r at poision? i dont know, im running out of ideas and my moms gona be home soon.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2005-03-16 12:58
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

this sucks. i swallowed a bottle of nytol sleeping pills and washed it down with some brandy... im still freaking alive! it's a miracle. god damnit.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-15 12:55
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

i feel so cold, like life is wrapping me in but i still have a thought going strong in my head believing there is a beautiful person beneath me, and she will be here someday.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-15 12:48
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

i wonder if anybody just goes through life wondering what it'll be like it life didn't suck, if they were beautiful, if they went through with that diet they've always tried to start. i wonder if i'm going to go through life that way.

god, i hurt so much, i wish i could just take a tylenol and it would all go away.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2005-03-14 18:50
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

god, this is so confusing! i just read an article today on how yo-yo dieting and calorie restriction in teenagers lead to obese adults! i always restrict, binge, then restrict again, i don't want to be obese! i hate exercising though, i'm so lazy, i like just being peaceful and serene and read books. what am i going to do? ive walked around downtown every saturday since 2 weeks ago, but obviously that can't be ALL i do! i don't know what sort of exercise i can love. lately ive been almost normal on the eating front, so i'm questionign whether or not I should start restricting again. maybe for once I can stop this madness. I think i know I can, but i'm too afraid or too lazy to actually face a little weight and some exercise. god, someone shoot me. this is so hard.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-14 13:18
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

i made this thing yesterday with what i have to eat and etc. i dont know if i can post it here but i'l try.now i feel much more on track. i'm basically reducing to 500calories a day by gradually eating 100less daily from 1458 calories (my BMR). i'm hoping to lose to 100 lbs. then i will stop. iw il not look like a twig this time, just skinny.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-13 01:21
Subject:
Security:Public

Dear kate,

teach me how to hurt people.
i want to hurt.

4 comments | post a comment



Date:2005-03-13 01:13
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

my heart hurts, i can't feel things anymore. i dont like the realization of being cheerful. i take comfort in the sensation of sadness, pain, heartaches. it's as if the world will live on, and i will remain. a thing. eternally here.

1 comment | post a comment



Date:2005-03-12 22:51
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

*the dissapearance of perfection truly hit me on march.11th 2005... my other birthday. my official one is april26th.

*i'm starving myself again. til 100lbs... its exhilirating

*i ordered a kit to make the green fairy

post a comment



Date:2005-03-07 15:40
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

i was looking around me today. i realized the world's emphasis on the great, the intelligent, the beautiful. The entire struggle for survival where the weak perish. the beautiful, the intelligent, the smart, the gifted, the born-rich are listened-to, admired, worshipped.

then... who's going to listen to the ugly girl?
the one not as smart?
the girl without the louis voulton bags?
the girls who don't get A's because they refuse to write about topics they dont even know about with smooth, computer-edited language?
Who's going to listen to realism? To the girl who experienced it. To heart felt pain?
who's going to befriend the girl with a broken past, and tell her she's beautiful?

and here i am sitting in a private school quilt eating fresh apples talking about sadness in life... some people don't even have the privilege!

kate moss's waif era represented the realistic side of life, in a way, it told people that you don't have to be cindy crawford with the brains of natalie portman to be a somebody. here's another tribute to kate moss.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-06 19:39
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

here's an overview of collingwood... the reason why everybody is depressed and on drugs. im doing salvia / weed / cigarettes / hard liquor / pain killers okay... wtf, i used to be the happiest person. anyway. heres an interesting list.


sam: the biggest phony asshole ever, his like a mirage, beautiful at first but empty on the inside, what a lie


nicole: a refreshing difference from sam, meaning shes very nice and a lot like me, but even im flawed, right? so nicole has her flaws. but i love her for who she is.

arya: what the hell happened to brain normalcy? okay, im pretty wierd, but arya needs serious treatment. like, remodification. hsi probably a horrible byproduct of evolution and decent by modification aka natural selection and all that crap. jesus! his the meanest person yet his nice and reasonable but he does things u would NEVER believe he'd do!

yvette: inexperienced. shes a nice person, but she doesnt know the rules of life. that could be a good and bad thing. it makes her a very good judge of people, but it also makes her a horrible secret keeper. still, talking to her is refreshing.

winston: nice and very smart, but also bad at expressing emotions. well, his nice, my best guy friend, and very understanding. and all that good stuff. cept his negative, but who isnt anyway? lately his devloped a little of a positive aura... i dunno why or whether or not its good yet.

 jen bowie: the most unique person i'm friends with. she's got a one-of-a-kind style and taste. she understands my depressing need to smoke all sorts of things and drink and hate life in a french artiste way. and shes the only person that's read my diary about not eating and been okay with it. well, nicole's read it too, but i lied to her about it b/c she was freaking out. anyways, it took awhile to ged to know jen, but theres not realyl jealousy with her, which is rare when you're me. im jealous of everything, but i dont usualy show it. anyway, i like jen.

christian: passes me random notes about sex in chem and gave me a bracelet. overall cool person, i like his mom quite a bit. anyway, fun, odd, the kinda guy who'd be friends with all of us.

nick: the funniest person. not in your typical way. in a odd, natural, off beat kinda way... not your artist offbeat, just, nick. the comments he makes are halirious, and his the easiest person to talk to you'll ever meet. and he draws funny pictures... to embarass me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

here's for the people i don't know quite well so my judgement can be wrong

graham: an amazingly unique guy haha. you'll never find a second graham. fun, odd, horny, outgoing, makes your day brighter. anyway, hes into humping and hugging and kissing people, including me, but ive grown used to seeing it as a good thing. it's just his way of expressing friendship.

peter: this is just to express how much i dont like it when he grabs my boobs and my ass... especialyl b/c i usualyl dont wear a bra. it's terrible (fuck the fire alarm just rang... im gona ignore it). anyway, i like peter and all, but sometimes our personalities clash. his fun, in a pretty messed up way. but his nice and gets me cigarettes, which is pretty generous of him. even if he likes to take some randomly.

karyn/darcy: two girls i think are really cool at our school but i'm not friends with. karyn is all natural and never wears any makeup, yet shes gorgeous. this year she's been saying hi to me int he halls which is cool because we didnt really talk before. darcy's the prettiest girl, shes got the nicest hair and eyes and body. we were never friends but we talked randomly last year and this year, but i feel this year shes been friendlier also. i think in gr.11 everybody mixes a bit beter... but then in collingwood we're pretty cliquey, which is childish cause we're so old and not in gr.5. anyway, these are the people i'd want to be friends with. everybody has those.

jordan: very cool guy, his into guitars and music and hemp and all sorts of random stuff. a lot like jen actually... with personalities and stuff. and he talks to me a lot over msn even though at school we don't really hang out. anyway, he told me about salvia and hookah (myb graham told me about that but i forget) and herbal cigarettes and those other random "meditation" (haha) stuff. and random music festivals. his recording a cd lately so that's really cool b/c i think his great at guitar and i like his songs and tastes.

i'll do more later right now im gona finish quite a bit of hoemwork.

post a comment



Date:2005-03-06 18:13
Subject:
Security:Public

dear kate,

i forgot what i was gona keep on writing last night, but here's a new thought. I was studying bio when it said that in terms of evolution and the gradual macro and microevolution towards a better adapted species...

speciation is a species' birth
extinction is their death
and new speciation is their offspring.

which is kinda cool because it would mean we humans as a species is like the fuel burnt to sustain a greater form of life... a structure similar to us in that there is birth death and offspring and yet different because it is so much broader... and that life is evolution.

then theres also the concept of god which i also believe in... so the whole confusion ruined the magical moment a bit but that's okay.

post a comment


browse
my journal